Kitty DrunkDrunk has inspired a sweeping classical masterpiece

Published October 19, 2012 by Kitty DrunkDrunk

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Well, that’s what we told Kitty DrunkDrunk at her last intervention anyway.  A colossal waste of time, as usual. She spent the whole time putting the moves on what turned out to be a sofa cushion and kept referring to the counselors as “Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch”. The seemingly endless list of people she’s offended with her slatternly escapades had no effect so we’ve started telling her that even celebrities are appalled by her sloppy drunkenness. K DD’s long-term memory is so riddled with blackouts that she has no idea how old she is and we’ve managed to convince her that Beethoven composed this piece in her honor. Just LOOK at how devastated Richter is about the whole situation–and HE went through the Russian Civil War for godssake!.  Unfortunately she thinks it sounds “all classy-like” so now she goes around shrieking “That’s MIZZ Pathetique to you!” before slapping your gin and tonic onto the floor and then rolling around in it like Ann-Margaret on that bed full of baked beans from “Tommy”.

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27 comments on “Kitty DrunkDrunk has inspired a sweeping classical masterpiece

    • Oh, the long-suffering “Stan” Richter. I’d pay good kibble to see a cage match between him and that rapscallion Glenn Gould! In loincloths! Yeah! And Rosie is all the help K DD needs! At least in the midnight “Can you help a sister out with some bail money” phone call sense….

    • Oh MAGGIE. Everyone already knows you’re deranged. Don’t you remember joining your own fan page “Maggie O’C Is Deranged A-Go-Go”? No? Thaaat’s right. Because K DD created it, hacked into your email and sent a poorly photoshopped pic of you reclining in her litter box with a few strategically placed black bars over your bits to all of your relatives.

  • I say! But oh, but but oh, oh but oh, but but oh, but but oh, but but but oh (it’s alright I’m not delirious, this is how English people actually talk)! Cat beast does look so retrospective there. As if thinking up the end section to Vivaldi’s La Follia… or maybe she is just wondering where all the Gin went. Charles Buckowski had some epic blackouts, guv. Something about lobsters. Cats like seafood, non? Oui! Beethoven was deaf, of course, in his later life. Cat beast is perhaps trying to emulate her hero with her missing ear bit. A theory.

    • “A theory” ? Is that anything like “M theory”? K DD does enjoy playing with a ball of string theory upon occasion but it does cause a bit of how-do-you-do with those roughnecks in her quantum mechanics fight club. As for where all the gin went, well I think we all know the answer to that. I’m sopping up the result with this absorbent wad of quarks as we speak.

    • Hiya DS59! Well I’M certainly interested but the only way I can get K DD to go to those things is to trick her into thinking she’s auditioning for an America’s Most Wanted re-enactment. She always wants to be the “bad cop” even though the only thing the producers cast her for is “discarded gutter hair weave”.

    • You nailed it, Eric B! Watching “Tommy” with K DD is predictably aggravating in that she keeps gesturing to the screen with her pretentiously long cigarette holder and declaring that she only lost out to Tina Turner due to “Species-ism”.

      • I’m cure she could hit the same high notes. Perhaps she should have been the preacher: she could probably wail like Arthur Brown does in his oh too brief cameo.

    • I just KNEW you would understand, Sparky S! Look at how K DD is all “whatevs” and poor Mistah R is all “Oh DANG” and I just don’t know what to do. He keeps showing up under her window trying to play “In Your Eyes” on a piano hoisted over his head and I swear to god he is going to crack a vertebrae one of these days. Plus he’s likely to get caught in the crossfire of some South Philly gang warfare with nothing to protect him but a well-tailored tuxedo.

    • Yes RH63! Baked EVERYTHING! Just the other day I caught her trying to “bake” my checkbook so it would look less like she’d forged my signature when she stole my I.D. and went on a mad spending spree at the Box Wine Warehouse! She must be stopped before we both end up living in a tent behind the soup kitchen!

  • AnElephantCant help having a small fantasy based on a bed full of baked beans.
    And maybe some peanuts, yummy!
    And hate to do this, but Kitty being of sound mind and good taste may be nearly amused by a wee song on AnElephant’s blog today.
    Go Kitty DD!!

  • AnEC! How we adore thee! Sorry to be so tardy in our visits to your magical wonderland of verbal delights. K DD’s demands are mighty and inscrutable! Perhaps for the holiday I could commission a portrait of Her Drunken Majesty? This Meow Mix mosaic of her noble visage that I’ve been working on for years is never up to snuff. She keeps me chained to the radiator with a hot glue gun duct taped to my hand, insisting that I haven’t “captured her essence”.

  • dearest – pass on this homespun award of whole-grain cuteness on to the illustrious KDD. I didn’t know who else to give it to. lord knows she doesn’t need the nip, but perhaps it can act as a sort of kitteh methadone..it’s an award for either being inspirational or having something to celebrate…my instructions were unclear. anyway, I won it and am supposed to pass it on. here ya go, my dear, and continued good luck with the Drunk One.

    http://sparkyspitfire.wordpress.com/2012/11/14/nip-is-very-inspirationals/

  • We’d like to say something clever, but we is too sick from the laffing. We’ll be back to read more about Kitty DrunkDrunk. And I thought SPITTY was a pawsome name!

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