Kitty DrunkDrunk is offended by your tasteless muumuu

Published September 28, 2012 by Kitty DrunkDrunk

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You’d think the fact that K DD only has ONE outfit (consisting of her hashish-matted pelt and some grotty “accessories” from the dumpster behind that strip club) would preclude her unwarranted advice regarding the fashion choices of others. THINK AGAIN, CITIZEN!  She gets all kinds of queeny when god forbid you should don a festive lounging outfit to watch the Super Max Jail marathon with your hand down your bloomers and try to have a little breather from scrambling about plucking up the glitter-studded dingleberries that K DD leaves around the house like a urine brick road to abject despair. She claims that she used to be a Project Runway consultant but we all know it was just another one of her vodka-induced delusions. Like when she thought she was on American Idol when in actuality, she was just staggering through the car wash again singing “It’s Raining Men” in her “bold soul sister” voice and gesturing grandly to passing hobos as if she were Patti LaBelle.

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49 comments on “Kitty DrunkDrunk is offended by your tasteless muumuu

    • Funny you should mention that, MOC. Just the other day I saw Ms. LaBelle crouched on your doorstep with a sieve, sifting through your junk mail for free samples from the edible underpants warehouse like some kind of miner 49er. The fake prospector beard and floppy hat could not conceal her enormous sequined weave! For SHAME, Patti.

  • this may be one of those comments you dont choose to publish..it is a comment..well..which i have never written or considered writing. my mark of a great author is..do i remember something you have said..do i quote you..years later..i remember seth morgan who wrote homeboy..the memorable line was ..a walk practiced in the school yard for performance in the prison yard..and then my favorite..john kennedy toole..a confederacy of dunces..to many quotes to list..so here is the point of the reply..i find you definitely in that caliber of writer..every blog has a memorable quote..comparable with toole..morgan..heller..i could go on but..you may be the most talented unpublished writer i have read..i am serious..the blogs are brilliantly written..please write..write your heart out..get published..dont take no for an answer..i will tell you…you are that good.

    • RYD! Oh how we have missed you. K DD is weeping helplessly on an outdated pile of discarded Better Homes and Gardens magazines and shaking her dewclaw at the sky, declaring “I WILL make mini-lasagnas in wonton wrappers for Rosie! I will! I will!” Just humor her. We all know you’re just going to get a soggy envelope full of Spaghetti-Os.

    • Marco! Good to hear from you, lad. K DD was worried she’d scared you off because of that time she was drunkenly hollering Harry Belafonte calypso songs under your window at 3 AM. And by “that time”, she means “every night”.

      • Oh no I liker her hollering, no matter what time! It’s the neighbour’s dog that gets to me. Maybe if I organize her a bottle of something-to-her-liking she’ll “attend” to it?

  • KDD, how I envy you your life. We have tea, tea and more tea heredi and there’s a bottle of ultra genteel Croft Original on a shelf gathering dust only brought out in moments of utter despair or Christmas. I want some f u n!! Deev x

  • Hey, KDD!! Good to see you back, Tommy was beginning to miss you. He was asking me to check and see if you had posted about a dozen times a day, so I told him you were in rehab and were’nt allowed any contact with the outside world which resulted in him going on a diamond white cider bender of his own, stealing one of the neighbours cars and attempting to drive to Stanstead Airport to find a flight “That goes to where KDD lives”. Anyway, long story short, one police caution, 3 points on his driving licence later he is trying to act like the perfect cat again, but I don’t expect it will last, he is a chav through and through… 🙂

    • Oh hey NFNFB! I like to sing your initials to the tune of Iron Man. ENN EFF ENN EFF BEE! Blah dee blah dee blah dee blah blah dee dee! That Tommy is indeed a stinker. He keeps cramming packets of liver snacks through the mail slot and wailing, “It’s all for youuu, K DD! AAALL FOR YOUU!” Christ almighty. I’m not sure what to do about our dumbass star-crossed lovers. Can I just mail her to you?

      • *tut* that explains why he is too tired to even attempt to attack my legs when I step over him on the stairs..When he started to lose interest in his favorite hobby (after drinking cider and shoplifting) I KNEW there was something up. Yeah, mail away…Just let her know that our mail lady is a lazy bitch and she may end up spending longer than intended in the main box at the end of the street, so she may need to fill a hip flask.

  • The cat beast looks thoroughly wasted in that picture. Our family had a sober cat when I was a kid called Mogsy – she was coloured and patterned much like cat beast above. She was a very effective hunter. She’d bring all sorts of weird stuff back. Crows, rabbits, mice, badgers, goats, and a giraffe.

      • I’m not making you a gown. I’m not good at that type of thing. Instead I will write some facts about cats:

        1. “Ailurophilia” is the love of cats. 2. The most popular names for female cats in the U.S. are Missy, Misty, Muffin, Patches, Fluffy, Tabitha, Tigger, Pumpkin, Samantha, and Psychopath. 3. A cat uses its whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through. 4. Cats are often confused by tinned vegetables. 5. All the cats in existence will have sneezed a combined total of around 500 billion times. 6. Cats that don’t sneeze are known as “Non-Sneezing Catosauruses”. 7. Cats sneeze at around the speed of light. 8. The famous saying is, “When a cat sneezes the oceans boil over and humanity ends.”

        Right, I really should be working right now!!!!!!!!!!! Although it’s almost lunch.

  • glitter dingleberries will look nice on a Xmas tree. or even on a handmade artisanal pasty. maybe KDD can open Etsy store of her very own. bet it would be a hit. successful enuff for you to skim some off the top and go buy yerself something other than that damn mumu. just a thought.

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