Kitty DrunkDrunk is unamused by your oversized novelty lighter

Published September 15, 2012 by Kitty DrunkDrunk

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As if it’s not enough that K DD has trouble working the bottle opener, and her dewclaw gets snagged in the corkscrew– NOW you have to go and make it hard to spark up her morning doobie. I mean, REALLY. You know what happens if she remains lucid for more than a few minutes. Before you know it there’s a “zen garden” on your bedspread made of pee rivulets and cleverly placed piles of litter. It’s because she is “artistic”, or so she keeps telling me. I’m considering a round-the-clock IV drip of box wine just to keep her manageable. You simply have no idea of the daily horrors I endure–being forcibly subjected to endless “pageants” where she attempts to perform adult contemporary hits of the 70s but can never remember anything except for that one ABBA song so she just sings it over and over again until you end up weeping blood.

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24 comments on “Kitty DrunkDrunk is unamused by your oversized novelty lighter

  • Just be glad KDD didn’t choose John Denver. Abba on repeat is ever so slightly more digestible than an afternoon of Rocky Mountain High. Then again in her world, that song title might have an entirely different meaning.

    • You know, NatChat, I don’t think anyone really ever chooses John Denver. I think HE chooses YOU. And you are spot on about that Rocky Mountain High stuff. K DD calls it her “alma mater” when she is trying to be cute about her narcotics habit.

    • What? Who? Did you finally shave KDD’s profile into the back of your head? Please say yes! She’s already gotten your portrait tattooed on her rump, MUM so you better get cracking before she shows up at your door with a pair of clippers and a taser!

  • Tsk. Diet Coke in the background. The only thing worse than that is Coke Zero, you know? If you’re going to have a Coke it’s got to be the original, you know? But, you know, if she was drunk when she bought it she can be forgiven. You know?

    • That’s so cute how you put that “IF” she was drunk part in there. Ever the gentleman, our Mr. W. That Diet Coke bottle is actually full of brown spit from her chewing tobacco. Which Coke Zero is also worse than. You know?

    • It’s hard to tell, MadameW because she eventually forgets what she’s doing and just ends up repeating that “TakeachanceTakeachanceTakeachance” part for 6 or 7 hours while waving her paw around like she’s conducting an orchestra. It gets a little old.

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