Kitty DrunkDrunk has no respect for your personal area. None!

Published August 29, 2012 by Kitty DrunkDrunk

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Today I opened the bathroom cabinet to find that a shitfaced KDD had shoved out all of my toiletries.  She said she was working on her “method acting” by reenacting the trash compactor scene from Star Wars but I suspect she just passed out in there thinking it was her old bunk from rehab. Apparently she’s decided to resurrect her community theatre “career” after getting PLOWED on wine spritzers at the sing-along piano bar. Now all she does is practice her appalling cockney accent just in case they decide to do “Oliver”. She still hasn’t figured out that being a groupie is not quite the same as being a cast member and keeps believing that her name is never in the program because of a typo. And P.S. most of her “method” involves pounding a liter of gin and drunkenly hollering show tunes into the corner of her litter box because she claims it has “marvelous acoustics”.  Oh PLEASE. This coming from the cat who once did an ear-mangling rendition of “Like A Virgin”  from inside a port-a-pottie because she was so wasted she thought it was a go-go cage.

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43 comments on “Kitty DrunkDrunk has no respect for your personal area. None!

    • Thanks A! It’s true that K DD DOES fancy herself quite the comedienne, although she hasn’t quite caught on that people are usually laughing at the yard- long fluttering toilet paper strip stuck to the underside of her tail.

    • But of course! Please sign the appropriate release forms/ personal safety waivers and send the little darlings on over! We’re about to have a nice game of Lawn Darts and then maybe poke around in the toaster with these metal forks.

      • Can you please make sure the metal forks are real metal and not some imitation alloy? Oh where do I have to sign? Here here and here? Okay kids, have fun – try not to gnaw on your hostess, okay?

    • Oh belieeeve me JW, she’s imagined it NUMEROUS times. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stumbled over a semi-conscious K DD on the stairs, preparing for her “Rum Tum Tugger” number by gulping tumblers of Bacardi 151.

    • A high compliment indeed, NatChat! K DD is trying her best to catch up to the revered Ms. Fisher’s alcoholic accomplishments. She even went through a disastrous phase of trying to “bun” her ears like Princess Leia. Which only led to tears.

  • If you ask me (which you haven’t, but I’m going to answer anyway) that’s a camouflage attempt by aforementioned cat. That thing she’s in is her own personal exact, precise, intrinsic, notable, said, indeed colour. I say, what a fiendish brain she has.

    • Zounds! You’ve really cracked it now, Mr.W! I will now double check all mottled surfaces (pebbled driveways, casseroles, buttocks) to ensure that K DD has not merely blended effortlessly into the background.

    • Tell me about it! I had to get a Kevin Costner look-alike to coax her out by saying he was her “bodyguard” and then she insisted he carry her around the parking lot while she screeched the chorus of “I Will Always Love You” over and over like a lunatic.

    • I believe this task is well within K DD’s “skill set”. Ejecting enormous gouts of waste from any and all available orifices is an activity that K DD not only excels at, but also enjoys. Let the questionable fluids flow like nectar!

  • AnElephantCant tolerate any longer
    This criticism of Kitty DrunkDrunk
    Just cause she’s passed out
    That doesn’t make her a lout
    So give her space or get a whack from this trunk

    As a tribute, AnElephant has written a new song about Kitty.
    Please join in when you learn the words.

    K DD! K DD! KDD!
    K DD! K DD! KDD!
    K DD! K DD! KDD!
    K DD! K DD!

    (Repeat until sober or dead)

    • Bwaha! By jove, you’ve done it again, A E C! Seeing as how “Sober” and “Dead” are the same thing in the K DD lexicon I’m hoping for the 45 version rather than the extended dance mix of this marvelous and complex little ditty.

  • Because I find Kitty Drunk Drunk both inspiring and lovely, I have nominated this blog for the Inspiring Blog and One Lovely Blog awards. Here: http://wp.me/p1jL9y-i9. You can pass the torch by giving me a shout-out, then stating 7 facts about yourself and nominating 15 bloggers whom you find inspiring or lovely. Or just skip it and post whatever you’d like. 🙂

  • It’s official. You have the coolest blog on the internet. You are creative and witty and I love that it’s all about your cat. Way to go, you have now given me a reason to spend even more time on the internet haha. looking forward to all that you share.

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