Kitty DrunkDrunk would like to have a word with your porcelain figurines

Published July 26, 2012 by Kitty DrunkDrunk

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Quite frankly, Kitty DrunkDrunk resents the implication that she had anything to do with the devastation in the china cabinet. ANYONE could have left that heap of shattered glass in a steaming puddle of Jack Daniels-and-Meow Mix upchuck. I mean, it’s a PINK hammer, for godssake! How much damage could one possibly do with such a gentle tool? Cobble some delicate silk shoes, or mend some gossamer fairy wings, perhaps–but destroy that entire shelf of porcelain “I wuv you THIS much” cherubs? Come ON. Those things would send any reasonable person into a blind, whiskey-fueled rage. Look, she’s even wearing her “sweet” face! Yes, it’s eerily similar to her “DUI” face, but still.

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23 comments on “Kitty DrunkDrunk would like to have a word with your porcelain figurines

  • This cat… this cat it drinks alcohol? No good can come of this. Also, in defense of the cat, I find it difficult to believe it wielded a hammer, as cats (generally) lack opposable thumbs.

    • A brilliant deduction! There HAS been a recent rash of prawn theft around the house, with no viable suspect as of late. We have narrowed it down to a few sinister characters seen lurking about the icebox but are not prepared to make an accusatory statement at this moment as the evidence is still being processed. P.S. Please mail me a sample of your hair as well as a set of fingerprints. No reason.

    • OH dear. K DD is reading this over my shoulder (which is damp from the Bloody Mary she is slopping all over the place, for godssake it’s not even 10 am yet!) and now has gotten herself quite a swelled head! She keeps poking me with her stinky paw, gesturing at your comment and then at her glass as if I should be scurrying around refilling it. In your DREAMS, cat!

  • Hey K DD,

    Thanks for visiting our Two Bruces blog and liking it. After checking yours out, we may have to write about a “companion” we have for you. Actually we have a number of possibilities since among our other activities is running a rescue service for birds. Do you have any dietary restrictions?

    Bruce and Bruce

    • Tremendous! K DD and I are clinking glasses (hers is more of a tankard) in delight! Intrigued by this “companion”, do you rescue birds from brothels and houses of ill-repute? K DD’s only dietary restriction is “Things You Can’t Mix with Vodka”. So I guess the answer is no, not really. Because I’ve seen the old girl wandering around with a hunk of leftover pot roast in her martini glass.

    • It’s one of her better ones, true! You’re lucky you don’t have to put up with her “I ate all your granola and replaced it with cat litter” face or her “That’s not MY rancid liverwurst under the bed” face.

  • She’s just trying to help you reach a higher plane of enlightenment by severing your attachment to material things. And, of course, simultaneously helping whoever has to dispose of all your stuff after you die.

  • Thanks for checking out my blog lady, Your blog is hilarious, that is one talented, quirky kitty-kat you got there I must say.

    • Whoa thanks MG! Sometimes the burdens of being K DD’s personal assistant are almost more than I can bear. The light at the end of the tunnel is that one day I will inherit her massive secret fortune which she keeps promising me actually exists.

      • I can only imagine the stress of it all, perhaps you should get yourself a human version of one of those cat-scratcher thangs to relieve your stress? I’ll have my fingers crossed that she includes you in her will.

  • Thanks for visiting The BirdBlog and liking. My kitty, Shadow, also has issues with regurgitation. Not a boozer himself, that I know of at least, it ‘must have been something he ate’. An understatement, if ever there was one.

    • It’s uncanny. Don’t even try to play her for drinks at Battleship because she’ll just sink your boats one after the other and before you know it you’re maxing out your credit card at some crappy daquiri bar.

  • Well TLF, our girl K DD has been known to “bring down the hammer” on more than one occasion. Namely, when she realizes that someone has actually COOKED the potatoes rather than clumsily attempting to distill them into shitty homemade vodka. Other than that, she’s a delight.

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